The way we choose to behave while we dine reveals a lot about ourselves and our attitude, and highly affects the way others perceive us. Good table manners, as well as dining etiquette, are required qualities for every elegant woman.
It is hard for me to say which set of manners is the most important. I believe that all manners are important for an elegant woman, yet I have chosen to start my series of articles on ‘etiquette and manners’ with this article’s topic.
Dining is as necessary as breathing. We eat several times a day, and we often do so in a public place or with the company of others. Choose to show good manners regardless of the company or the place – and do so from the moment that you sit to the table till the dessert or final cup of coffee.
What are dining etiquette and manners?
Dining etiquette and manners are basic rules for behavior around the table. The way we eat, the way we sit, the way we treat others, and even the type of conversations we hold are all part of table etiquette and manners.
Why do we need to have good table manners?
You may think that in today’s world, in which most occasions are casual and informal, we wouldn’t need to learn about table etiquette and manners.
The truth is that table manners are timeless, and they are useful for any social or business occasion. Whether you are dining with family members, friends, coworkers, or clients – good table manners are a must for elegant women.
Firstly, good table manners help to put those around us at ease and make them feel comfortable; they set basic rules such as eating with our mouth closed or not using our phone, since those actions can cause inconvenience for our peers.
Secondly, following proper dining etiquette can make us feel more confident, and allows us to focus on more valuable things. For example, in formal gatherings you are far more likely to hold better conversations and interactions if you are not trying to figure out which fork is required, or which glass belongs to you.
Table etiquette around the world
It is important to know that expected dining etiquette can vary considerably around the world. Different cultures have different norms and rules.
For example, while in some cultures it is acceptable to eat with your hands, or to use chopsticks, other cultures use only cutlery.
When you travel abroad, or as a guest, make an effort to learn and follow the local table manners.
Top Ten Table and Dining Etiquette Tips for Elegant Women
Proper etiquette has evolved for centuries into an abundance of guidelines and rules. Naturally, in our modern world, some of those etiquette guidelines are no longer relevant or necessary.
In this article, I’ll walk you through the basic, yet essential, table manners that any modern elegant woman should follow:
1. Keep Your Cell Phone Off
When you dine with others, you should always focus on communication and conversation. Constantly checking your phone can imply that you are more interested in your device than in the people around you.
Don’t be rude!
Give your interlocutors the attention and respect they deserve by switching your phone to silent mode. Make sure to keep your phone in a hidden place that is off the table.
If you have an urgent call that you cannot miss, politely excuse yourself from the table and take the call to another room.
2. Place the napkin on your lap
When you are sitting in a restaurant or any formal event, the first thing you should do after being seated is to put your napkin on your lap.
Remember, once the napkin is on your lap it should never be placed on the table again.
If you need to excuse yourself and leave the table for a moment, place the napkin on your chair until you get back. Before you leave the table – once the meal is finished – place the napkin delicately to the left of your plate.
3. Wait until everyone is served before you eat
Personally, I think that one of the most important dining etiquette rules is to not eat any of your food until every person at the table is served.
Be sensitive to the feelings of those around you and wait before you start eating. This rule applies to all dining occasions – whether you are dining with your significant other, family members, or friends.
4. Dining etiquette – American and Continental style of eating
In proper table etiquette, there are two styles of eating and of holding utensils – the American and the Continental.
The American Style:
Hold your knife with your right hand, and the fork with your left hand. Both utensils should be held as an extension of your index finger. Use the knife to cut the food, and while the food is held in the fork, rest the knife on your plate.
The knife should now be placed near the top of the plate, with the blade facing in. Switch the fork to your right hand, eat, and repeat from the beginning.
Since the fork is constantly changing from left to right, the American style of eating is also known as “the zig-zag method”.
The Continental Style:
Unlike the American style, the Continental style requires no switching. The fork is continually held in the left hand whilst the knife is held in the right. In the Continental style, the tines of the fork should always face down. If needed, use the knife to place food on the back of the fork.
The Continental style is also called “the European style”, and it is often used outside the United States.
Both styles of dining, Continental and American, are correct and acceptable. Choose the one that is more comfortable to you and stick with it until it becomes a second nature.
5. Table setting
In most informal occasions, you are not likely to come across complicated table arrangements that are assembled from multiple utensils. The majority of your meals may require only a single fork and a single knife. With that being said, an elegant woman should always be prepared for any occasion by learning in advance the basic table settings.
There is a variety of table arrangements that are constructed from different utensils to fit the types and number of courses in a meal. As a rule of thumb, and regardless of the table setting, always use the utensils in order from those farthest to the plate to those closest to it.
The fork for the salad and the spoon for the soup, will always be placed on the outside of the arrangement; the fish knife and fork will be placed in the middle; and finally, the utensils for the main course will be placed closest to the plate.
To avoid confusion, remember that your glass (or glasses) will always be to the right of your plate, and in some table settings you may even see a small plate containing bread, and a butter knife, to the left and of your main plate and closer to the center of the table.
Formal table setting
A quick rule: from the moment that you have used your utensils, they should never touch the table again. When you pause to converse or to take a sip of your beverage during the course, place your utensils in the ‘resting’ position, and when you’re finished eating, place them in the ‘finish’ position. You can choose to place your utensils either in the Continental or in the American style.
The placement of the utensils is also used as a silent service signal for waiters in restaurants or events.
6. Proper ‘passing’ etiquette
- Do not reach across the table for something that is too far away, thereby crossing other people with your arms. Instead, kindly ask someone to pass whatever you desire to you.
- The salt and the pepper should always stay together. If someone asks you to pass the salt, always pass the pepper with it, and vice versa.
7. Chew with your mouth closed
Chewing with a closed mouth is a basic rule of proper dining etiquette. Unfortunately, I find that many people talk before they swallow or chew with an open mouth; remember to avoid making such noticeable mistakes.
The best way to avoid mishaps is to take small bites as you eat. That way, when someone addresses you, you can quickly finish your bite and respond.
8. Pay attention to your posture
When seated at the table, your posture should always be tall and upright. Don’t slouch – roll your shoulders backward and straighten your back.
Do not lean against the back of the chair – leave a little space between the back of the chair and your own back.
In addition to maintaining a straight posture, remember to keep your elbows off the table while you eat. You can either place your wrists at the table or put your hands on your lap.
If you please, place your elbows on that table when you take breaks between meals and when you converse.
9. Always drink from a glass
An elegant woman should always drink from a glass, rather than from a bottle or a can.
Whether you drink beer, wine, soda or water, choose to pour your beverage into a glass. Each glass is held differently. When you drink wine or champagne, for example, always hold the glass gently from its stem.
10. Conversation at the table
Dining with others is always a social event. As an elegant woman, you should make an effort to stay engaged with those around you at all times. However, do not be the type of person who always has to dominate the conversation. Try to make sure that everyone around the table is participating, and that no one is left out of the conversation.
Bring the best version of yourself to the table, and avoid expressing negative comments or making controversial or sensitive remarks. Be kind, nice, and polite – as any elegant woman should be.
Conclusion
Remember that all table manners are important, but that the most important thing is to make others feel comfortable around you. While constantly using your cellphone might cause offense to someone, reclining occasionally against your chair can be acceptable.
As Emily Post says: “Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.”
Practice good table manners in your day-to-day dining till they become a second nature to you.
I’d love to read your thoughts! What do you think about dining etiquette in modern times? In an informal gathering, which of the table manners rules is the most important to you? Please leave your comment in the section below.
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