To become elegant, one must speak eloquently and thoughtfully. The way we speak and our ability to express ourselves in a clear and refined way influence the impression that we leave on others.
In order to connect with people, and express her intelligence in a graceful manner, an elegant woman must learn the basics of rhetoric and eloquence, also known as Savoir faire.
“Melodiousness rolled over her tongue and out of her mouth whenever she spoke. Her eloquence equaled her elegance.” – Wiss Auguste, The Illusions of Hope.
Finding the right words to say in any situation, and being consistently articulate, can sometimes be rather challenging tasks. While some people were born with a “talent for speaking”, and have naturally acquired this ability from their environment, others, such as myself, have had to work hard and invest time and effort to become eloquent and to speak elegantly.
Personally, I think that, as is often the case, with a little work anyone can learn how to become well-spoken: if I have managed to do it, so can you.
In this article I will share the tips and tricks that I’ve gathered in my personal, ongoing journey; those tips have worked for me and have helped me become more eloquent and well-spoken, and consequently: more elegant.
Be confident
The way in which you deliver your message can sometimes be as important as the message itself. If you know how to speak confidently, you automatically seem more charismatic and eloquent.
If you sound uncertain or doubtful, you won’t convey your intelligence and knowledge, and correspondingly, your elegance.
Building confidence, in any area of life, is an ongoing journey; it is not something that can be learned overnight with a set of rules. Much like elegance, confidence is a state of mind that we have to constantly work towards.
The following tips in this article will help you to speak eloquently and to appear more confident while doing so.
Minimize the use of filler words – Um’s and Uh’s
Most people use filler words, to some extent, in their speech, for several reasons. We may use filler words when we are searching for the right word to say. Perhaps we are discussing a difficult or unfamiliar subject, or are unsure of our arguments. At times, we simply want to let our interlocutors know that we’re going to continue speaking.
No matter the reason, when used sparingly, there is nothing wrong with filler words. But once used excessively, filler words can project a lack of confidence, and therefore detract from our eloquence and elegance.
Start mitigating your usage of filler words by paying attention to them. If you still find yourself using filler words too frequently, try these tips:
- Slow down! Speaking quickly is a bad habit. By slowing down, you’ll be able to think about the continuation of the sentence while speaking.
- Pause. Sometimes a brief moment of silence is better than an “Umm”. In fact, many successful speakers use pauses and silence to their advantage, either for a dramatic effect or simply to show that they can command an audience. Furthermore, you should get comfortable with taking pauses to gather your thoughts and find the right words.
- Think before you speak. If you assemble the basic principle of what you want to say before speaking, you are less likely to use filler words.
- Use short, simple, and clear sentences. You don’t have to use long sentences to speak eloquently – quite the opposite is true. The longer and more complex the sentence, the more likely you are to use filler words.
Breathe deeply
Breathing deeply is crucial for correct speaking; it does not only boost your confidence, but also helps you to control your voice while you speak.
When we are under pressure (which can happen occasionally while we speak), we tend to unintentionally tighten our muscles and breathe more shallowly and quickly; by doing so, our body becomes more stressed, and we might lose control over our vocality while we speak.
Taking slow, steady, and deep breaths as you speak will improve your confidence, vocal control, pitch, and overall tone significantly.
The concept is simple: you have to breathe deeply into your belly, and not just into your chest. Place one hand on your chest and the other on your belly, and breathe deeply while doing so.
As you inhale, you should feel your rib cage expanding, but your belly should expand even further.
I have found that many people breathe mainly into their chest, which means that their breathing is too shallow.
With a little practice, ‘correct’ breathing can become a habit that helps you be confident and speak eloquently.
Control your pace
When you speak, especially in front of a large audience, you may feel as if you have to rush. People tend to rush to finish saying what they want to say quickly, but rushing is a bad habit.
Speaking too fast could make you mumble and mispronounce some of the words; in that case, your audience or interlocutors would be more likely to become confused and to misunderstand what you would be trying to say; they might even feel uncomfortable if they are required to frequently ask you to repeat yourself.
The pace in which you speak should be “calm” and relaxed (yet not slow); it should allow you to think about what you are saying, breathe, and pronounce the words correctly.
Quick tip: when you feel stressed and find yourself speaking too rapidly, stop for a moment and take a deep breath. As I have mentioned above, breathing deeply can help you boost your confidence and overcome stress. The pause and correct breathing will help you to slow the pace of your speech and to be more articulate.
Adjust your tone
We often refuse to accept an idea merely because the tone of voice in which it has been expressed is unsympathetic to us. – Friedrich Nietzsche
Our tone of voice is as important to the expression of our personality and ideas as the right tone of color is to an exquisite artist; it is more substantial than our words, and second only to our body language.
We could choose the right words to say, and say those words with the most perfect pronunciation, but without a proper tone there would still be something missing – the words might be misinterpreted, and our message might be lost upon the audience.
Pay attention to your tone of voice in your everyday communications; if you discover that you often use a pessimistic or accusatory tone, then you should make the effort to change your tone to a more optimistic and positive one.
Furthermore, you can alter your tone of voice according to the situation or occasion. Choose a soft tone, which helps form and nurture a bond, for intimate conversations and forming relationships. Opt for a motivational tone when you want to lead or inspire people, whether within your business environment or personal life, and pick a friendly tone when you want to engage and attract those around you.
To speak eloquently, mix a variety of tones to create the impact and result that you wish to achieve, and avoid being monotonous.
Read more
One of the best ways to become more knowledgeable and articulate is to read. You can choose any subject matter: novels, essays, historical documents, or even well-written blogs on a subject that interests you (of course, extending your interest to all of the above would be ideal).
Reading on a regular basis would increase your vocabulary, expand your horizons, improve your grammar (assuming that the reading material is of a sufficient quality), and even hone your creativity.
Indeed, reading an extra book or an article may not cause a significant change immediately, and you probably wouldn’t notice the change during your next conversation, but in the long run you might notice the impact that reading has had on your wisdom, your ability to speak eloquently, and your overall elegance.
An interesting fact
At the onset of her political career, former prime minister of the United Kingdom, Margaret Thatcher, attracted many sexist critiques for the way she spoke.
Prior to Thatcher’s election, in 1973, television critic Clive James even compared her voice to “a cat sliding down a blackboard”.
In an effort to improve her public image, Thatcher took vocal lessons that helped her to lower her pitch, talk slower, and add a more ‘formal’ and serious tone.
In an effort to improve her public image, Thatcher took vocal lessons that helped her lower her pitch, talk more slowly and acquire a more ‘formal’ and serious tone.
